Its getting darker

Its going to get darker before it gets lighter.

I’ve had a very hard year. Next year might be harder still. I just don’t know. I wish I could offer a false sense of hope, but today, on this dark day, in this dark time, I’m struggling to find the light. I’m just not sure how to deal with all this darkness.

I had faith but its been a long time since I truly felt that my doubts could be overcome.

I had knowledge but it couldn’t stand up to a world which cares more about self-aggrandizement than true striving.

I had wisdom but it couldn’t stand up to the 20 second sound bite.

I had insight but lacked the wit to argue for it.

I was brave until the bully was my boss.

I believed I was all those things and more, but not I believe I’m simply a guy with a blog who likes to listen.

I’ve lost the illusionary world in which I’m the king of what I survey. Perhaps thats a good thing. But its also a hard realization and a hard feeling to move forward with.

When I started down this path as a child I did it with love in my heart and a song to share. I believe I’m still there, but have lost the dream that this is enough for a career in the arts. Hard-won experience has shown me differently.

I hope I’ll feel better tomorrow. Tonite is a night for questions.

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